Tonja's Blog
Retreating
February 26th, 2010
Today, many of us are overbooked, overscheduled and overstressed. With that kind of activity level, it’s hard to hear yourself think, clear your mind, or make thoughtful decisions. A personal retreat is a wonderful way to reconnect with yourself, nature, creative pursuits, or your spirituality.
I recently took a 24-hour retreat alone at a friend’s empty farmhouse – it was exactly what I needed at exactly the right time to gain peace and clarity in my wonderFULL life of running a business, raising a family, and following my own personal passions. I had been there before and knew it was a wonderful, soulful place to curl up. I packed a few comfortable clothes, candles, music and a journal. On the way, I bought some beautiful purple hydreangeas, easy-to-prepare healthy foods and a bottle of my favorite wine.
As I drove out into the country, I began letting go of what I left behind (family, work, and to-do lists) and thought about my intention for the overnight trip. As I often do, I had inflated expectations to walk away with all of the answers to my life and business questions. Then, I recognized the old over-achiever pattern and realized I was setting myself up for disappointment. I simply asked for clarity and direction in one specific area of my life I was contemplating. And, yes, through quiet, journaling, hiking, praying and caring for myself exquisitely, I received the answer I was seeking.
Stepping away from the everyday routine to pray, meditate, ponder, walk in nature or play with our creative muse is a wonderful way to connect with our intuition or inner voice and inspire ourselves. If you’re worried about taking the time to make this happen, I assure you these are some of my most “productive” moments – I often receive my greatest ideas on the nature trail.
Whether taking an hour, a day, a weekend or a month-long retreat, here are a few things to keep in mind:
Intention
What is your purpose for the retreat? It can be as simple as rest and rejuvinate or as complex as making a major life or business decision. Ensure you ask yourself the most important questions to get what you need, such as “what do I need most right now?”
Environment
The environment in which you retreat should be warm and inviting and free of distractions (clutter, TV, phones, etc). A natural surrounding where you can walk or hike, or visit a nearby spring or lake, is especially nice.
Comforts
Bring along some creature comforts to make your stay extra luxurious, such as your favorite flowers, beautiful music, candles, aromatherapy and bath treats. Ensure you have some delicious and easy to prepare foods and beverages and a cozy throw or quilt.
Support
Ask others to give you this space and time, without the need to check-in regularly. My family recognizes this time as me being “off the clock”. I believe it sets a healthy example for our children (and spouses/partners) to see us taking time to be with care for ourselves. I highly suggest a solo retreat, but if you’re not comfortable alone, go with a friend and make sure you schedule significant sacred silent/alone time within the trip to get quiet and go within.
Unplugging
We are so wired to technology - computers, phones, televisions, etc. in our daily lives. These tools can be useful, but unplugging is essential for getting in touch with our intuition, our inner wisdom. I invite you to leave these behind as you begin your journey (except a phone for emergencies only).
Journaling
Journaling is a critical part of the process to get out of your head and connect with your thoughts, feelings and inner wisdom. In journaling, you are encouraged to write from the heart, unedited and completely without judgement.
Resources:
If you’d like more structure to guide you through the process, take along a book (and your journal) on the topic/area you’d like to explore. Here are a few favorites:
Take Time for Your Life, Cheryl Richardson
Callings, Finding and Following an Authentic Life, Greg Levoy
Creating a Life Worth Living, Carol Lloyd
Finding Your Own Narth Star, Martha Beck
Soul Coaching Oracle Cards, Denise Linn
The Woman’s Retreat Book, Jennifer Louden
Gifts of the Heart
December 9th, 2009
As a college student living on ramen noodles, I remember shopping with my mother and her friend just before the holidays. I had no extra money to spend, but wanted them to know I cared and showed them my “wish” gifts for them in the store - a pair of luxurious cashmere loungewear sets. They loved it and we had a great time “wish gifting” one another and laughing all afternoon.
With the holidays ringing in and finances tight for many of us, I am reminded of this story and want to take it a little further and deeper. My question for you is, “If you had a budget of little to none, what are the most meaningful gifts you could share with the ones you love this holiday season?” This is a great time to turn the holidays into an opportunity to reconnect with one another, and the meaning of the season.
When planning, think about:
- What would you most love and appreciate from friends and family?
- What would be a treat from them?
- What do they really need?
- What are some special talents or passions you have to share?
- What are some ways to enjoy spending time together?
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
- Evening of babysitting or day of dog sitting
- Help organize a space in the home
- Cook a favorite dinner and put on a feel-good movie
- Pass on a great book from your personal library
- Attend a holiday festival or concert together
- Spend quality time together outdoors or volunteering in the community
- Turn on some soft music, warm up your fingers and treat them to a massage
These are incredibly special gifts and should be presented as such, so create a certificate (there are free templates online) and beautiful packages to unwrap and delight your loved ones.
Happy holidays!
Overcoming Overcommitment
September 25th, 2009
I knew it happened as soon as the words came out of my mouth, “I can do that!” Was it my need for acceptance among this crowd, my old habit of people pleasing, or the genuine and pure desire to contribute driving this statement? Minutes later, it seemed, I began receiving numerous emails about PTA newsletter subscriptions and team meetings I didn’t have the time, energy or desire to attend. I had buyer’s remorse and wished I had paused before opening my mouth.
I took a moment to reflect on my intentions with volunteerism at my daughter’s school and immediately became clear on the priorities – to contribute directly to her classroom and Girl Scout troop, with which I was already commited. Burning the midnight oil working on the PTA newsletter did not fit into the picture. But, I had already raised my hand. Would it be political suicide (yes, school/parent politics are alive and well) to bow out now? Would I be considered an outcast for the next four years? But, did I really want to “suck it up” and feel resentful about my contribution for the next eight months?
Donning sunglasses and a cap, I quickly ducked in and out of school avoiding much conversation for a couple of days and then decided a “do-over” was most definitely in order. I swallowed my pride and let the PTA queen know that I spoke too soon and apologized for acting hastily. I received a short but cordial response and decided to take the sunglasses off and face the music. I can’t control what is said behind my back (nothing I’m aware of) and ultimately feel good about my decision to course correct quickly and give someone else an opportunity to step up.
How can I learn from this experience and avoid this embarrassing situation in the future? Here are a few steps I’m taking to overcome overcommitment - I hope they are useful for you:
- Get in the habit of pausing BEFORE saying “yes”, re: “Let me think about that and get back to you”
- Examine your true intentions and desires for your time and energy
- Ask yourself if it aligns and is an absolute yes.
- If not, then it’s a simple and graceful “no thanks“, or “not right now“
- If it is an absolute yes, accept and feel great about contributing joyfully with pure intentions
